Domestic Violence

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Domestic violence is a serious social issue that crosses social and economic statuses the world over. Violence is enacted quite frequently, and when it happens in the public eye, such as on a street during a riot, the event is newsworthy. It is important that we define our terms before continuing on.

Health care professionals are the first line response to many domestic violence victims. In this capacity, they must be prepared to identify, assess, and assist victims with safety planning, and provide referrals to needed services. Health care providers must recognize that the emergency room is only one of many health care settings where victims are found. Almost every medical discipline is confronted at some point with the tragic results of domestic violence.

Nationwide, employers estimate that domestic violence costs them between three and five billion dollars each year in health care claims, plus another one hundred million dollars in absenteeism, high turnover and lost productivity.

What is meant by violence?

Violence refers to any act of abuse that causes or intends to cause:

• fear
• injury
• violence may be emotional or physical in nature
• any prevention or disruption in the normal habits of someone

When violence is the issue, then the discussion shifts away from strangers in the street and focuses on an inner circle of trust that is being broken. Violence in Queensland, as around the world, has been increasing over the past fifty years, at least reported cases of such. Domestic violence is a violent act performed against one person by another when in a relationship, be that a domestic partnership, marriage, housing share situation or any other relationship in which one is exerting control over another.

Some types of Domestic Violence 
• Mean or aggressive name-calling or taunting
• Isolating by force or conversion from friends, family, or a steady income
• Preventing the creation or maintaining of a steady job
• Keeping the partner from financial means of independence
• Physical threats or actual physical violence
• Sexual assault
• stalking
• intimidation

While emotional, mental, and financial abuse are not technically illegal, they are forms of abuse and are common signifiers of abuse in domestic violence statistics. The common domestic violence sees starts out with possessive behavior, then tends to advance into other more violent varieties. The four basic types of violence sees are as follows:

• Common violence between couples (CCV) this type of violence is not an ongoing occurrence but one specific incident in which both people react violently towards one another.
• Intimate terrorism (IT) This type of abuse may contain elements of emotional as well as psychological abuse, but is more commonly one component in an overall pattern of control of one partner over another. This type of abuse is highly likely to escalate at some point in time to abuse and coercion by force. This is usually not a mutually abusive situation, rather one of abuse directed from one partner to another. While less common than the aptly named CCV.
• Violent Resistance (VR) As the name suggests, this is a result of the victim defending themselves against attacks, themselves lashing out against the perpetrator of the violence against them.
• Mutual Violent Control (MVC) In this manner of violence, each partner acts violently towards the other in a war for control.

Why Can’t Love be Used as an Excuse For Domestic Violence
What is love…? This is the act caring and the sense of safety you get from your partner. The place where you start to learn about love is your home. Home is where love begins and flourishes. That is where a person gets to know about the feelings of security and the knowledge that there will be someone to rely on when there is a need. Domestic violence is basically the physical or physiological pain one has to face due to the activities of another in one home. According to the researches and statistics it has been discovered that every kind of violence start at home. Although many tend to ignore the severity of this matter, this issue can cause permanent damages in a life of a person. This can come in many forms.

Forms of domestic violence

1. The best known form of this is physical abuse including aggression or assault. But mental abuse among spouses is also put into this category.
2. Physical abuse happens mainly due to anger issues of one of the intimate partners. This can go from hitting some one to cause pain from injuring children or pets in order to cause physiological pain to another.
3. Then there is the complicated form of abuse which entails harassing the other partner sexually in the veil of love. But does love give you all the rights over your partners sexual life? Some consider that marrying a person gives them the rights to take their marriage partners into any sexual activity they prefer. But threatening or forcing for any kind of a sexual activity is considered as sexual abuse despite the fact a person is married.

Domestic Violence Resource Center Australia is there to help you and get you over any kind of a domestic violence that you may have faced. The professionals will also help you what is love and give you all the reasons as to why it should not be used as an excuse to domestic violence. While there will be a legal procedure to give deserved punishment to those who have caused violence, there will be supporting and advising process for the victims as well.

Types of Abuse Used in Domestic Violence
Patricia Jones, M.A.

There are different types of abuse. Often victims may minimize the abuse or justify the abuse saying things like:

"Well I have never been hit" not realizing that there are many ways to be abused.

Here are examples of different types:

Physical Abuse 
Sexual Abuse 
Emotional Abuse
Verbal Abuse 
Financial Abuse 
Social Abuse 
Environmental Abuse 
Ritual Abuse
Are You Being Abused?
Browse Counseling Categories
Important Information 
Articles by Patricia Jones, M.A.
Do You Recognize the Signs Of Abuse?



No one wants to admit that they are being abused, much less by someone they love and who is supposed to love them. It is a real shock to the entire soul, mind, body and spirit. It is such a shock that it is hard to believe that someone who you thought loved you could act in such a manner, especially if it is contrary to who you thought they were. 
So you go into "denial" not wanting to admit that this is happening to you, and has been happening to you for quite some time.  Some days the person abusing you is kind, nice, and even compassionate, and you begin to wonder what all of the fuss was about. But then other days they turn into someone you don't even recognize and you wonder how you can stay with them let alone survive. And you remember why you got upset several days or weeks ago. It is a vicious cycle that is destroying your life, your peace, and your very identity and you feel like you are loosing yourself.

You know that things cannot go on like this, or you may not make it.
Abuse takes on many forms and comes in all shapes and sizes and degrees. But the bottom line is no matter what type of abuse you are enduring it is NOT ACCEPTABLE and it has to STOP NOW.

- any unwanted physical attention 
- kicking, punching, pushing, pulling, slapping, hitting, shaking 
- cutting, burning 
- pulling hair 
- squeezing hand, twisting arm 
- choking, smothering 
- throwing victim, or throwing things at victim 
- restraining, tying victim up 
- forced feeding 
- hitting victim with objects 
- knifing, shooting 
- threatening to kill or injure victim 
- ignoring victim's illness or injury 
- denying victim needs (eg. food, drink, bathroom, medication etc.) 
- hiding necessary needs 
- pressuring or tricking victim into something unwanted 
- standing too close or using intimidation 
- making or carrying out threats to hurt victim 
-making her (victim) afraid by suing looks, gestures or actions 
- smashing things 
- abusing pets 
- display of weapons as a means of intimidation

- any unwanted sexual contact 
- forcing her to have sex, harrassing her for sex 
- forcing her to have sex with animals 
- uttering threats to obtain sex 
- pinching, slapping, grabbing, poking her breasts or genitals 
- forcing sex when sick, childbirth or operation 
- forcing her to have sex with other men or women 
- forcing her to watch or participate in group sex 
- knowingly transmitting sexual disease 
- treating her as a sex object 
- being "rough" 
- pressuring her to pose for pornogrpahic photos 
- displaying pornography that makes her uncomfortable 
- using sex as a basis for an argument 
- using sex as a solution to an argument 
- criticising her sexual ability 
- unwanted fondling in public 
- accusation of affairs 
- threatening to have sex with someone else if she doesn't give sex 
- degrading her body parts 
- sexual jokes 
- demanding sex for payment or trade 
- insisting on checking her body for sexual contact

Also called "Psychological or Verbal Abuse" 

- false accusations 
- name calling and finding fault 
- verbal threats 
- playing "mind games" 
- making victim think she/he is stupid, or crazy 
- humiliating the victim 
- overpowering victim's emotions 
- disbelieving the victim 
- bringing up past issues 
- inappropriate expressions of jealousy 
- degrading the victim 
- putting the victim down, not defending her 
- blame the victim for things 
- turning the situation against the victim 
- laughing in victim's face 
- silence, ignoring victim 
- refusing to do things with or for the victim 
- always getting own way 
- neglecting victim 
- pressuring victim 
- expecting victim to conform to a role 
- comparing victim to others 
- suggested involvement with other women or men 
- making victim feel guilty 
- using certain mannerisms or behaviour as a means of control (eg. snapping fingers, pointing) 
- threatening to get drunk or stoned unles.... 
- manipulation 
- starting arguments 
- withholding affection 
- holding grudges and not really forgiving 
- lying 
- threatening to leave or commit suicide 
- treating victim as a child 
- having double standards for victim 
- saying one thing and meaning another 
- denying or taking away victim's responsibilities 
- not keeping committments 
- insisting on accompanying victim to the doctor's office 
- deliberately creating a mess for the victim to cleanup. 
- preventing victim from getting or taking a job 
- threatening her with anything (words, objects) 
- refusing to deal with issues 
- minimising or disregarding victim's work or accomplishments 
- demanding an account of victim's time/routine 
- taking advantage of the victim's fear of something 
- making her do illegal things 

- forcing her to have an abortion 
- denying that the child is his 
- insulting her body 
- refusing to support her during and after pregnancy 
- refusing sex because her pregnant body is ugly 
- demanding or pressuring her for sex after childbirth 
- blaming her that the baby is the "wrong sex" 
- refusing to allow her to breastfeed

- taking victim's money 
- withholding money 
- not allowing victim money 
- giving victim an allowance 
- keeping family finances a secret 
- spending money foolishly 
- pressuring victim to take full responsibility for finances 
-not paying fair share of bills 
- not spending money of special occasions when able (birthdays etc) 
spending on addictions, gambling, sexual services 
- not letting victim have access to family income


- controlling what victim does, who victim sees, talks to, what victim reads and where victim goes 
- put downs or ignores victim in public 
- not allowing victim to see or access to family and friends 
- change of personality when around others (abuser) 
- being rude to victim's friends or family 
- dictating victim's dress and behaviour 
- choosing victim's friends 
- choosing friends, activities or work rather being with victim 
- making a "scene" in public 
- making victim account for themselves 
- censoring victim's mail 
- treating victim like a servant 
- not giving victim space or privacy 


- assaulting victim in front of the children 
- making victim stay at home with the children 
- teaching children to abuse victim through name calling, hitting etc 
- embarrassing victim in front of the children 
- not sharing responsibility for children 
- threatening to abduct children, or telling victim they will never get custody 
- puttin down victim's parenting ability 


- buying off children with expensive gifts 
- not showing up on time for visitation or returning them on time 
- pumping children for information on victim's partners etc 
- telling children that victim is responsible for breaking up the family 
- using children to transport messages 
- denying victim access to the children 

- using scripture to justify or dominance 
- using church position to pressure for sex or favours 
- using victim, then demanding forgiveness 
- interpresting religion or scripture your way 
- preventing victim from attending church 
- mocking victim's belief's 
- requiring sex acts or drugs for religious acts


- locking victim in or out 
- throwing out or destroying victim's possessions 
- harming pets 
- slamming doors 
- throwing objects 
- taking phones and denying victim access to the phone


- deliberately driving too fast or recklessly to scare victim 
- driving while intoxicated 
- forcing victim out of the vehicle (when angry) 
- pushing victim out of the vehicle when it is inmotion 
- threatening to kill victim by driving toward an oncoming car 
- chasing or hitting victim with a vehicle 
- killing victim in a deliberate accident 
- denying her use of the vehicle by tampering with engine, chaining steering wheel or taking the keys


- mutilation 
- animal mutilation 
- forced cannibalism 
- human sacrifices 
- suggesting or promoting suicide 
- forcing victim to participate in rituals or to witness rituals